I keep hoping you will be there.
But everyday I open the same door,
And there are no more cheerful wags.
Toys sit by, untouched.
Late night movie cuddles―
A thing of the past.
The sidewalks lingering for your pitter-patter.
No more exploring for our dynamic duo.
No longer here to lick up my tears.
My ultimate comfort and support,
No matter the time of day.
I don't get to smile at the sight of you,
Merely cry at the thought of you.
Playing with you at the park,
Feeding and caring for you daily,
Comforting you when you were sick,
The love I gave could never compare
to the love you generously gave me.
It's easier when I am not home―
It's easier to pretend.
I just imagine you waiting,
Sitting at the edge of the couch,
Waiting anxiously for me to walk back in,
Or chewing up my brand new Crocs,
Or barking out the window at the neighbors walking past.
Some days I fight going home.
There is a loneliness that hits,
As soon as I open the door.
I close the door behind me,
Walk past all your toys,
Past your black and red checkered blanket
Which still holds the lingering smell
Of oatmeal scented shampoo.
Your food and water bowl still by the kitchen door,
As if you may still need them.
I walk to my room,
Crawl into bed.
Pushing my tear-streaked face
Into the part of the blanket that smells of you,
And try to forget.
It's easy to pretend
And hard to embrace.
You gave me a daily purpose,
And a friend whenever I needed it most.
A lifetime with you,
Would not have been long enough.
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